After You Say, “I Do”

After you Say I Do

By Steven J. Callis


Before you say, “I do,” much attention is given to even the smallest details of the relationship between a man and woman.  Considerable thought is given to making each date special: what to wear, where to go, and what to do.  Each is careful to treat the other with respect, consideration, and attentiveness, in hopes of leading to a deeper, more significant experience.

As the relationship progresses to the “I will” stage, primary attention shifts to marriage, and especially to the wedding ceremony.  Significant time, money, and energy go into planning all the details to make this event the perfect day.  While there are glitches in most every wedding ceremony, those uninvolved in the planning do not notice those imperfections – except the one when the ring bearer decides to army-crawl on his belly down the aisle, and even that made the occasion quite special.

Oh, if only a husband and wife could be so determined and focused after they say I do as they are in the months or years that lead to that moment in the ceremony.  However, we tend to grow comfortable with each other, and the demands of career and household chores and finances and other adult responsibilities – and eventually the time and energy devoted to children – all tend to distract us from the relationship itself, which was once the main focus.

It almost seems backwards, does it not?  It is as though we change our focus from what we can be for the other person to what we want the other person to be for us.  What happens to those earlier desires to demonstrate respect, consideration, and attentiveness – to impress the one who attracts us?  How could we let those desires slip away?  After all, who deserves that consideration more than the one who chose to say, “I do, till death us do part?”

The sincere desire to be there for the other person goes a long way in overcoming the obstacles and passages of a marriage relationship.  Willard Harley’s book, His Needs, Her Needs, reminds the husband and wife that mutual focus on the needs of the spouse moves both persons toward completeness; God’s design for marriage.  Oh, that a husband and wife could be so determined and focused after they say I do by demonstrating respect, consideration, and attentiveness towards each other in the quest of their happily ever after.

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3 Comments on “After You Say, “I Do””

  1. boredlandia Says:

    What a great piece. I need to check out this book just to have it on hand. My husband and I have been married for five years and we try and keep up on our ‘us time’ as much as possible. But you’re right, up to the ‘I do’ it’s blissful and togetherness but afterwards it gets comfortable and can often lose it’s fire. Let’s hope I can keep the flame alive.

    • Thanks for the kudos. I prayed for your relationship today. Recognizing and embracing the desire/need to keep the fire, as you are doing, goes a long way. May you enjoy each other through the every stage of your marriage as you mature together. 🙂

      BTW, another book I have found helpful…Christian Family Guide to Married Love, by Stephen and Sybil Clark. It gives focus to the physical aspect of the relationship. While you may be past the early chapters at this point, this book guides couples all the way through retirement age and how the physical relationship changes with age and stages of the marriage.

      • boredlandia Says:

        I think it’s always great to have books and people close by. It allows a constant reminder to make sure your relationship still comes first.

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